Couples can have a look at thier partners phones from time to time, but there shouldn’t be a reason.
I feel a phone is quite a personal thing, almost like a diary, but not quite so personal. Even if you love your partner, trust them and tell them how you feel and what you think, it still doesn’t mean you want them to know exactly what you chatted to your friends about last time you went for coffee, so why would they want to look over your text messages to them? And if your old high-school friend confided to you in an FB message suddenly about something, or asked about how life is going, it’s not something your partner must know. you can choose to tell them, of course, but they don’t need to know.
Trust is wonderful, but a little personal space is quite priceless.
here are reasons why
one side just cant Differentiate between idle curiosity and a nagging feeling deep in thier gut that something is wrong
It’s natural to be curious about what your partner is up to. We have minds that seek information. We also have the ability to exercise impulse control and make decisions aligned with our own values and morals. If it’s just vague curiosity, understand it as normal, and then anchor to your values and channel your willpower.
one party cannot address their concerns head on
If you have a strong feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is really wrong, you are probably onto something and you need to discuss it. Say “I’m having these fears that _____.” Approach it calmly, in a non-accusatory manner. Express your worries and how they undermine the sanctity and safety of the relationship. Open communication and the ability to work through problems together is a huge component of healthy relationships. If you can successfully navigate a tough discussion like this one it says a lot about the strength of your relationship. If your partner gets super defensive when you express your concerns, rather than trying to reassure you, I’d encourage you to keep the dialogue going until you feel like you have all of the information.
someone cannot Ask for what they need
Oftentimes we act out in relationships when our needs aren’t being met. But the only way to really get what you need is to ask for it! Do you need commitment about not seeing other people or clarification about your relationship status? Would certain actions help you feel more safe? Would it be helpful if your guy or gal stopped taking phone calls in the other room, introduced you to more of his/her friends, or was more affectionate with you in public? Figure out what is missing and let your partner know just how helpful it would be to fostering trust and intimacy.
when policy/understanding created with regards to these kinds of issues with you partner seem to be off
Some couples in serious, long-term relationships share passwords and agree that it’s okay to look at anything at any time because there “nothing to hide.” Coincidentally, it’s likely that these couples rarely check each other’s stuff because the open door policy eliminates the feeling that there is anything to be “found.” Some people may not have that luxury due to confidentiality of work related information, but perhaps you can have an agreement that if you are having suspicions you can talk to your partner about them and they can show you parts of their phone that don’t compromise any work issues.
The bottom line is that when you are having concerns, speak up! Communicate, rather than investigate. This approach is the best way to respect yourself, your partner and the relationship.